Warning this is no bullshit-post

Ice hockey GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD! Gold, gold, gold!!!!
OS-guld, OS-guld, OS-guld!! Fy fan vad vi är bra!!!!

I know, this is no bullshit. But events like the gold in icehockey in the olympic games (olympiska spelen =OS) reserves all attention!

OS-GULD!! OS GULD!!! OS GULD!!! Woohooo!!!!!

Hanna

Once again my apologies for breaking the bullshitting rule!

Peak of performance

Hey!!

Normally it's said that women reach their peak of performance when they are a bit over 30 years old, but I have to say that I already at the age of 2? have excelled my bullshit performance. This peak is dependent on the following:
- I have obviously gathered some experience, i.e. Im not a virgin-bullshitter anymore. So now I know what is good, how I want to have it, and maybe most importantly for this peak - how to satisfy others. So years of practise have made me better
- Knowing what I want, also means knowing what I dont want, and what I dont want to see on this blog... and I dare to say it. So my partners in crime should then know how they can satisfy me.
- Ive also learnt through all my entercounters that everyone has a different style, and different tastes for what they like and want. I can learn from others, we can together try new things, and we can make sure that our interactions are enjoyable
- Being experienced also mean that we're not prude anymore, we dare to say when we want to bullshit, and we make sure we get it
- Having the possibility to do it again and again and again obviously increases my performance

So cheers !
/H

Jello Waste

This post is fondly dedicated to the creative individual who came up with the design of those beautiful jello plastic molds that makes approximately 5-6% of the total jello consumption in the world be wasted in the name of Design. Yes people, Design with a capital D.

For some reason, in the last couple of months my consumption of jello has increased, and therefore I have had the chance to observe how much of it is wasted due to the elegant shape of the jello containers. For you to be able to empty the whole thing, you need to a) have plenty of time and patience, b) find the appropriate spoon and c) be very skillful with the later.

First I thought it was the brand I was choosing for convenience, (i.e. the one being sold in the closest mini market), but now, after trying most of the brands out there, I have concluded they all hired the same Designer.

As you must imagine, these results really perplexed me and I started questioning.. whats the meaning of that shape? Is there any Machiavellian plan behind it?

One of my thesis was that the molds were shaped like that to generate a feeling of insatiability in the consumers, and instead of buying one, they would end up buying two (or more).. but that thesis was rapidly proven wrong when I conducted an extensive market research surveying random jello consumers. 98.9% of them responded that they would still stick to ONE jello.

For cases like this, I simply reckon that I have to come to my knowledge fountain, which of course means the Absolut Blogshit crew.

What is it with these jello molds?

Kids and bullshit

Dear readers,

Today I had dinner with my niece. And at a point I realised that she was sitting there babbling about how to draw the letter U if you're really tired, and how you cant go up on the curve, and yada yada... And then I realised that sometimes talking to kids is just like talking to premium bullshitters such as Angie, Niel and Sam. For example today when I talked to Niel I dont think that more than 1% of what was said 1) made sense, 2) had a link to the sentence before, 3) had a link to what the other person was saying. I.e. having a conversation with two bullshitters mean that you talk a lot but nothing is said. Must admit though that sometimes kids have more logic than any adult. Im happy though that in this case the bullshit-gene continues in the family. So not only does my niece (who to make it easier is called Johanna Pulli) look exactly like I did when I was 8, but she has some potential in life.

Over and out
/Stockholm

Polls and research

Hallo!!

I once heard that some researchers in UK had conducted a big survey among children who's father or mother had left the family. What the researchers concluded was that these kids werent feeling good being abandoned by one of their parents. !!!!! Did it take a research team and investments of xxxxxxx euros to figure that out!!! Im happy this world is really focusing on finding out the relevant things.

In the quest for knowledge we have put up a new poll. The findings from this poll will probably prove highly important for mankind, and hence we urge all of you to pull out 1 second from your precious time, and vote.

Kind regards
/Angie and Hanna

Hmmm....

If time heals everything, then it can't be a good thing that doctors are always stressed.

/H

Little support

I guess im a biiiit late but well..

If you happen to be into that Valentine's Bullshit, and you need an extra zing for the corny lines you want to write to your loved one, use the Poetry Generator!

Remember, if you can't dazzle her/him with the truth.. baffle her/him with some mushy bullshit!

A tribute to men!

As you might have noticed there are only men specially invited to this blog, and apart from Angie and me, there are only male postings/comments on this blog. As for the fact with the high proportion of Indians on this blog, the high proportion of men on this blog needs analysis. First of all let me state, that God please let the ration men:women stay as it is on this blog!! Girls, if you are offended, I once again refer to the disclaimer to the right on this page.

So, we need to analyse, 1) why are so many bullshitters being men, 2) why do Angie and I have so many male friends (who suitably also are good bullshitters hence belong to this blog)?

1) Why are so many bullshitters men?
One of the reasons I believe in is that bullshit is a way to not get to the core of your inner self, you build up a shell of bullshit. As we know, girls are very keen on analysing everything and dig so deep into themselves so they almost pop out on the other side of their body. Whereas men might not be so strong in this analytical skill, and do not want to get in touch with their inner self all the time. Hence, you bullshit (thank God!).

Im sure there are many more reasons, but maybe you men would like to enlighten us about them.

2) Why do Angie and Hanna have such a strong male network?
Hmm... one can either think that they (i.e. we, i.e. Angie and Hanna) are pojkflickor (for those of you who dont speak Swedish, that means boy-girls). Are we? Hmm... well I did like to climb trees when I was a kid, but equally much time I spent with dolls. So I dont think this is the reason. I just think that men (most, most, most of the time) are so much more fun! And hence my strong boy-network.

As we all know girls just analyse too much. "Why did he say hi and not hallo? Does that mean that he likes me, or that he doesnt want to have a relationship right now, or that he's totally not interested?" Beats me! Girls complicate things too much.

Girls also have this habit of doing everything in pairs (the going to the bathroom in pairs have been discussed to boredom already so I leave that). Why? Okey, it's fun to have company. But sometimes I, me, myself and I, are just much more fun than other people so why be with more people than with myself?

Dont get me wrong. I want to continue being a girl; I want to fall for men, I want to wear skirts, and I want to carry a baby. But I do like spending time with guys! So boys/men please stay as you are;
1) Dont start analysing. Anyways what we girls say wont make too much sense. And I swear it has no specific meaning if I said hi or hallo when you called.
2) Continue being helpless once in a while, we enjoy taking care of you. And girls enjoy feeling needed. Important to add is also that it is very much easier to take care of a guy than of a girl. We girls know exactly which buttons to press and where to touch to make you happy and satisfied, whereas you guys have a lot to learn in that area. (If you are prude you should be blushing now, because Im referring to exactly what you all are thinking off).
3) Dont become mushy. If anyone would ever buy me a teddybear with the text "I love you", I would probably puke! Being emotional is nice, but dont be mushy! And once again, dont get me wrong. Im not cold-hearted, I have loved so much so I could have written "I love you" all over King Kong! But I dont need a teddybear to tell a guy how I feel about him.

So well I think this was my 5-cents contribution to why men are bullshitters and to why we like men, and to why we want you to stay as you are!

/H

The thing with the Indians

Well, well, well,
My debut on the thing i love doing the most... well thats why i was chosen for the job i am currently doing.. ER i mean! Well you need to master the art of bullshitting to take up this position :) Am Kidding (I wrote this word just in case a company sees this - i still dont wanna lose my job;) )

I read Hanna's post about why Indians and bullshitting, well i gave a 2 second thought, but the answer was clear - Indians are extremely competitive - whether for getting a job, good grades or skolling beer!
This is clearly shown by the fact that you guys had to open a blog to get views on this - it shows that there is a clear lack of this art amongst people! People need a forum to discuss this and not during natural talks, social meetings etc.

And Indians were very proactive in this - they knew that here's an opportunity! To get an art which people lack - hence they mastered this art to gain a competitive edge in the market!

Those are my 2 bits on bullshitting. Keep up the good work :)

Our 24/7 Hotline

I thought i would let you know that if youre feeling bored, lonely or with a huge urge to ramble and you need someone to talk to, here i am and TONIGHT is the best time to call me! Not only will you get comfort with my wise and supportive words, but also you will be entertained trying to figure out if i sound like a seal or a walrus or Donald Duck impersonated or simply just too damn sexy to describe...

Dont be shy, give me a ring and lets hear whats your guess..

1-800-ABSOLUT-BS-ANGIE

Bad news

Hanna complains about the days being too short, and who can blame her. Who wouldnt like to have another go at the "end-of-level-monster" at level 26 before going to sleep, sort the coin collection again, watch another episode of Seinfeld or just have that final beer before going home which would surely make the whole difference?
All this and more could be achieved with only a little more than the totally insufficient 24 hours we are blessed with at the moment.

But sorry... I bringeth bad news.

People remember the horrible tsunami of dec 2004. Not only did it hit a lot of indonesians and other Asians, but it also shortened the day even further... To be more precise, the length of the day decreased by 2.68 millionths of a second. This happened since the world lost almost a millimeter of its waistline, thereby starting to rotate faster.
Hold on to your hats and try not to get dizzy. Keep your feet on the ground and the beer in your hand and you will be fine, late for work tomorrow maybe, but fine!

Life is a bitch eh! (an indian one?)

And hey... Thx for the invite girls, im not worthy...

Special Announcement

Dear Bullshitters (and Bullshittees) of the world,

In the last couple of days, we have all witnessed the skills that Mr. Indranil Das Blah (t.c.t.c. Niel) has thoroughly displayed on this blog. His eloquence, as well as his genuine commitment to this noble cause, has granted him a Premium Membership on Absolut Blogshit.

This Premium Membership entitles Niel to spend a fabulous weekend in Madrid with one of the honorary founders of this site: Miss Pulli. However, as the weather in those latitudes at the moment must be kind of extreme for someone coming from the Bullshit capital of the world (read Delhi), and we obviously wouldn’t want to take the risk of having our first Premium Member freeze to death, we will make all the arrangements for May, when (hopefully) the first summer breezes appear.

I would just like to remind Niel our rule #1: Don’t bullshit the bullshitter, which means we are very much looking forward to see those millions coming, because the thought of white sandy beaches (not to mention the extensive list of alcoholic beverages) is locked in our minds.

I will also take this opportunity to encourage each one of you to be active participants of Absolut Blogshit and thus, brighten our day with some quality bullshit.

Truly but not yours,

Angie

HELP!

Important message to fellow bullshitters and supporters of this blog:

We have since the inauguration of this blog received tons of mails and phone calls from supporters all around the world. The traffic on this blog is huge, and the preasure on us to deliver high-quality insights is increasing for each day. Comments we have got are: "I cant start the day, without reading Absolut Blogshit", "Absolut Blogshit is as interesting as my husband" (no comments on that marriage), and "The impact of Absolut Blogshit to mankind is as big as the first landing on the moon".

We are happy for the encouragement to keep this blog alive (and especially happy that we finally have found a meaning in life), but due to the delicate time period both Angie and I are in currently, i.e. job hunting so that we can face a (bright) future, it is hard for us to pull together the time required. We therefore would like to ask for your help, so that we can maintain the quality of this blog. Please,
1) Find us a job - this would not only release time for us currently, but also secure our financial future
or
2) Marry Hanna (Angie is already taken) -this obviously only goes if you're rich and can support her financially
or
3) Give the day more hours - this one is directly addressed to God.

Also, none of the options have to exclude the others. We would actually be happy if you can make all three come true.

With your support we can create history with this blog!
Thanks for reading
Angie and Hanna

No more boring meetings!

To all of you who are cursed to be participants of boring meetings, discussion groups, conference calls and all that yada yada... I bring you a great concept..

Bullshit Bingo!

-Cost efficient
-Practical
-No limit of participants
-Customized cards according to meeting topic

Next time you are appointed for a meeting.. receive it with an extra zest!

For full instructions and all.. check the official site here!

Enjoy!

White lady

Good morning!

I am sure you have all heard that if you are in a dark room and look yourself in the mirror, you will see a pale, ghost - THE WHITE LADY - in the mirror.

But, everytime I look myself in the mirror, dark or lit room, I see a white lady in the mirror... :s

I need to buy a brown-without-sun cream or switch country!

/H

India!

I feel it's necessary to make a statement regarding the high proportion of Indians invited as honorary members to this bullshit blog. Our statistics show that 95% of the invitees are actually Indians, the question in need of an answer then is: 1) Why so many Indians, 2) How come Indians are so good bullshitters (please observe that this is a highly desirable skill which you should all be proud to possess).

Personally I also feel that I have to answer all the questions Ive got throughout the years about the amount of Indians in my life. Ive been putting down a lot of time and research into the two questions above, and into the question of why so many Indians in my life, and I will now share the report with you. Please note that the text on this page can not be distributed, copied, or sold for any other than personal and educational purposes.

HP's official statement regarding India, Indians, and Indian bullshitters

1) Why so many Indians?
Now, I dont mean the demographic issue of 1 billion Indians, I leave that to others to investigate, but the question I will address is why has my life been so full of Indians last years? And hence the reason to having so many Indians being honorary members of this blog. Well, there are many reasons:
a) It is like cockroaches - if you kill one, they all come. Not that I have killed anyone, and not that I know if it's me or the Indian who would be the cockroach, but the moral of the story is that when meeting an Indian friend, he always introduces you to his Indian friends. And so your circle of friends increase like rings on the water, and before you know it they have taken up every spot in your telephone book! And also, when thinking about it, looking at the world's population everybody should have at least 1/6 of Indians, and 1/6 of Chinese people in their phone books.
b) Is there something suspicious hiding behind my blond hair (I know it's hard to believe that it would be something in there...)? Is it all fake? Am I not actually a Swede (no Im not, Im Finnish)? Am I an Indian?, and then obviously I would have many Indian friends....
Theories have been put forward that I was an Indian in a previous life. Now, I dont believe in incarnation (not so Indian after all, huh!), so that cant be true.
Or is like my dear cooking team mate in France Rohan said: "You've become like an Indian bitch!" (which I didnt know if to take it as a compliment... :s). Meaning there is something Indian inside of me, that now finally is being released after 25 years in the Hanna-prison. The Indian in me is finally coming out!
c) Like minded attracts like-minded. So if I have this Indian bloodcells running around in my body, it isnt so tough to see why I would get along so well with Indians. Also, I found that the Indians Ive met have been ambitious, sarcastic, funny, driven, smart and chilled out (enough sucking up!) - and so yes, like-minded attracts like-minded, and obviously I can connect to all the Indians :-)

So that were some of the possible theories to why there are so many Indians on this blog and in my life. But now-

2) Why are Indians so good bullshitters?
Firstly, it is important that I state that one of the reasons why Ive surrounded myself with Indians is their skill in bullshitting. I am happy for everything you've taught me throughout the years, and how youve supported my bullshit-education.
The HP-institute's research on this topic hasnt come very far. During my three-week trip in India I did study this carefully, and thanks to masters like Sam and Indranil I got to experience some first-class bullshitting. However time was too limited for a complete study. Due to today's technology I hope to be able to virtually continue the study, with your contribution to this page, where I can analyse your statements.
I think the answer to this question lies in the root of bullshitting, and why we are spending time doing it. For me bullshitting, is a way of living. And maybe it's the same for Indians. Or then due to the huge Indian population, there obviously has to be more Indian bullshitters in absolute figures than Swedes. And if like-minded attracts like-minded all of them have been sucked to me and Angie through the bullshit magnet that we are carrying.
Other reasons for the Indian's well developed skill in bullshitting can be the weather, the religion, the culture, the food, or simply the fact that a lot of Indian men have red hair when they've done some henna-stuff with it.
As stated, when research has progressed we will present the findings. Any donations to the study are welcome, as well as "test-rabbits" for our bullshit-interviews!

So, now when all this research has been presented, it's time to welcome some Indian bullshitting, to get some diversity to this Mexican-Swedish page.

Enjoy your day!
/H

Lets Bullshit!

Yes yes, its finally here! THE place to bullshit your ass off!

As you hopefully know, the art of bullshitting is an acquired taste & talent and some of the ultimate goals of this blog are to help those bullshitter-wannabes out there develop themselves and enhance the skills of those who, through constant practice and dedication, have reached the masters level. We firmly believe the achievement of these two goals will allow us to guarantee a sustainable amount of bullshit for the future generations.

It will be a tremendous pleasure to share this space with legendary bullshit celebrities, such as Hanna, and all those soon to be key warriors of this revolution!

That being said, bring it on people!!

Welcome!

Welcome to the bullshit blog! This blog is just for pure bullshitters!

Throughout the years, Angie and me have developed the art of bullshitting, but it wouldnt have been possible without the help of some experts. We hope that you experts will help us maintain this blog, and the bullshitting in the world. I mean we all need to brighten up the day for ourselves and for others by some bullshit.

We also hope to recruit some new bullshitters through this blog, but obviously amateurs wont be accepted, why you have to pass our bullshittometer before you can join the gang!

Enjoy the reading!
Hanna