Absolut Blogshit.

Talkin' 'bout my generation, this is my Microwave generation !

2009-03-06T04:38:00.000-08:00

I wrote this note on Valentine's day... just publishing it now on Absolut Bullshit, excuse my laziness:

I’m writing this note to wish everyone of my generation a happy Microwaved Valentine’s Day.

If we link a generation to a product that heavily influenced its times, then this one should definitely be called the Microwave Generation. We like so much this home appliance that we shaped our social behavior in general and love relationships in particular after this wonderful device.

We use microwaves to heat things, they are heated fast, and they get cold even faster. We eat tasteless ready-made dishes, we defrost food that ends up cooked on the sides and some even use it to actually cook things, bon appétit with your tasteless cancer-prone gourmet meal.

And another striking similarity lays in the fact microwaves only accept plastic, a noble material that we cherish particularly, we are plastic and rubber generation!

Get past your hangover on this beautiful sunny Saturday morning, look around you, do your homework and find out what I mean...

Long life my generation, turn your sound system the loudest possible, put on Territorial Pissings of Nirvana and listen up to Krist Novoselic sampling the youngbloods, then leave your microwaves behind and go get together right NOW.

Come on people now
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another right now

Pax (and love)
A.

Spicy

2007-05-01T11:30:00.000-07:00

If you cook and you dont follow the recepy when adding spanish peppar/chili, but adding much more, it is also good if you dont follow the recepy when it says "cut them in supersmall pieces". Cuz God, isnt it a painstaking job to, with fire in your mouth, remove all the chili even when it's cut in big pieces.

Conclusion - if you do one thing bad, do two things bad to make it good.

/H

Love

2007-04-30T10:24:00.000-07:00

All,

There's been silence... From many of us. Now my reason was just pure technical. I swear I had made a posting, but in the old blogger version and it didnt want to post. And now when Im on the new blogger version, my set up is in English. So God knows if this will actually be posted.

Other reasons for this silence can also be, love. Love is in the air! Spring is here! Amit just shared his date-story. We are also guessing that people are not just getting lovey-dovey, but that people are actually also getting more sex (at least if you're a grand bullshitter). Check out the results from the poll!! It's statistically proven: bullshit leads to more sex!! And, arent we all happy with that? ;)

Later aligator
/H

Back...

2007-04-29T05:34:00.000-07:00

Have not been active at all on this, but I was reading my archives in last May - what was I upto and got reminded of this beautiful blog which enhances our learning, laughter to a potential never seen before!

Now, this post is dedicated to the Dutch couples. In transition during my AI term, a question was asked during Get-to-know Dutch culture - How do men go out for dates with women?

And there were some options - saying they go with a bouquet of tulips, they say some thing in Dutch and then there was this option that they commute to the place of the date on a bicycle with a guy riding it and the girl sitting on the back. This is the last option I ever thought of but surprisingly enough this was the correct answer.

I thought the person who was sharing this pulled something of his arse to make it funny, but after about 10 months in this country, this is true. You see couples going on bicycles and not the good classy ones - but the peasant looking ones.

Why I thought this was surprising was that in India if you take a bicycle and pick up a girl, you are the biggest buffoon on this planet - you are a certified loser! The girl will slam the door saying Dude - did you have have peanuts in your brain while thinking of this date?

Sadly - but true - though its one of the the most environmentally friendly vehicle - if you are riding a bicycle even when you are in your uni. its like "dude get a life" kinda feeling that is evoked amongst your peers. When I was riding a bicycle until high-school, I definitely used to get some stares... People can definitely ride bikes - no issues, but not while going on a date dude.

Ode to Valentines

2007-02-15T12:09:00.003-08:00

I just think its mandatory to write a post about one of the Most Bullshit days of the calendar.

And what better than sharing with you the most brilliant and creative piece of advice i have read in a long while:

Last-Minute Valentine's Day Gifts to Pick Up on the Way Home from Work

Avoid the lines at the florist, the department store, and the chocolatier, and dash into one of these stores for unconventional Valentine's Day gifts instead:

At a Toy Store - Pick up Twister, the Milton-Bradley game that's fun for all ages. And even more fun for adults.
At Home Depot - Pick up an elegant dendrobium orchid, potted and ready for Valentine's Day giving.
At Walgreen's - Pick up massage oils and body chocolate (available in four flavors) in the Valentine’s Day aisle.
Last-Minute Valentine's Day Gifts for Women
Even if you select them at the last minute, gifts that bear a big red heart are sure to melt hers. Some ideas:

Heart-shaped locket
Heart-shaped picture frame, with a picture of the two of you
Heart-shaped, red-satin box of chocolates
Heart-shaped candies that say "I Love You"
Last-Minute Valentine's Day Gifts of Desperation
Quick items to grab and go:

Stuffed animal from stationery store
Book of love poetry
Store-bought book of love IOU's
Heart-shaped cake or cupcakes from supermarket or convenience store.

Even if your gift is acquired last minute, your thoughtfulness and generosity will be appreciated and the good feelings will last long past Valentine's Day. Just don't forget to include a Valentine's Day card!!

I wonder how much research it took to these guys to come up with such wonderful ideas!

Just for the record and future reference, I am a woman and my heart definitely does NOT melt with gifts that bear a big red heart.

Over and out!

CongratZ

2007-02-10T15:45:00.000-08:00

Bullshiterladies and Bulshittermen,

happy new year, no happy birthday.... no, shit !!! man it's the one year bullshit anniversary, ahhhhh happy anniversary fellow bullshitters!

I just contributed by one post and I got myself floods of gratitude and tons of love, waw !!! that's what's called mastering the art of bullshitting... My bullshitting muse is empty and my life is way too serious, so please bullshit me Angie, Hanna... Seriously, you gotta give me classes of bullshit, I realized my life is lacking essential bullshit elements that are good for you, like omega3 and Bifidus...

Actually I suspect my life is all bullshit, that's why I don't see bullshit anywhere... coz I am living in it. You know when you get used to some bullshit until you loose your bullshit sensors and it beecomes your life. Yeah exactly like in the matrix, I think I took the wrong pill and it took me straight to the toilet... I was luckier than the guy in trainspotting, I could reach the toilet :))))))))

If you feeling good and you feeling Iry say hail bullshit.

Hail bullshit !!!!
A.

Happy Anniversary!

2007-02-02T04:41:00.000-08:00

ONE year has passed since we started with this noble initiative, and its time to evaluate the impact Absolut Blogshit has had in our lives.

Have we become more successful with the opposite sex? Have we gotten smashed at a party for free? Have we gotten a promotion at work? Have head hunters started chasing us? Have we gotten free tickets to the coolest event in town?

Vote on the brand new poll and share your experiences with us!

While im at it, i would like to say thanks to all the people who have taken time out of their busy schedules this year, to write posts on Absolut Blogshit and thus, participate in the quest for a better world!

I want to thank Blogger for giving us the chance to make this dream a reality. We really appreciate we can use this site freely and for free.

I also want to thank my wonderful boyfriend, who has truly helped me developing myself during this year to publish posts i never thought i could write.

Last, but definitely not least, i want to thank Hanna for this great year! You have been a fellow bullshitter, a friend, a dancing partner, a sister in crime, a balancing help when drunk, a crayfish-peeling trainer, etc. Theres NO WAY Absolut Blogshit would be alive today without you!Tack så mycket!

May Absolut Blogshit live LOOOONG and prosper!

Cheers, Salud, Skål, Yung Sing, Kippis, Prost, Salute, Kampai, or whatever you say in your language.. !

Angie

Royal Bullshit

2007-01-24T21:33:00.000-08:00

or How to use your Bullshit Detector properly.

Some posts ago, the question was if one could run out of bullshit.. this time, the question is.. can one stop smelling bullshit?

A couple of days back, i read an article that got me wondering....

Will there be a time when bullshit will be thrown in my face, without me thinking theres something smelly in the room?

Will there be a time when i will accuse an innocent soul of attempted bullshit attack, when s/he was actually from Jupiter?

It turns out that last week, your Royal Swedish Highness Prince Carl Phillip was detained at Miami's Airport while he was going through passport control.

According to the article, the issue started when the Prince was asked the routine questions and he mentioned that he would work on a documentary film while being in the US.

The next question from the american agent was if he had a working permit to do that, and well.. he didnt.

"But hey, im a swedish royalty!", he stated while showing his diplomatic passport.

This declaration did nothing more than grant him a place at the police station, together with other plebeians like illegal immigrants and drug smugglers.

Of course the american agent thought he was being bullshitted! Royalty?! No guards?! From Switzerland?! or does swedish mean from Sweden?! BULLSHIT!

At least it seems the Prince found it amusing...

If you have nothing better to do and want to check how would this story would look written in danish, check the article here!

Otherwise, enlighten us.. how can one make sure to always tell bullshit apart?!

?

2006-12-05T12:02:00.000-08:00

I was out on a five minute walk in rainy Brussels, and during these 300 seconds two persons came up to me to ask about directions. During the four months that I have stayed here in Brussels, I think Ive been asked about directions some 20 times. Now that is approximately 10 times as many as it happened to me during all my years in Stockholm.

So the questions I ask myself are if Brussels really has so many more lost tourists than Stockholm? Or is it so that I actually didnt look so Swedish (something I would not feel bad about at all) so people lost in Stockholm thought it wasnt worthwhile to ask me? An even worse question then appears - do I actually look Belgian?!!! Do I look like Ive been eating waffels, fries and drinking beer all my life so by default I would know where Rue de Congres is? Now I probably shouldnt be culturally insensitive... no, I probably shouldnt...

...H

Friends

2006-11-27T22:39:00.000-08:00

The best with friends is that they can make you laugh at yourself. And after all, there is pretty much to laugh about...

Why?

2006-11-27T12:26:00.000-08:00

Why be a girl when you can be a boy? .... Being a girl is so complicated.

/H

FYI

2006-11-11T09:54:00.000-08:00

After a short chat with Angie we have realised that we're both at the first stages of Alzheimers. Hence forgive us if we forget this blog. And may we trust our premium and platina members to either 1) remind us about the blog's existence, or 2) make their own postings without blessings from the goddesses.

/H

Games

2006-11-05T22:19:00.000-08:00

Morning (the good greating was already passed on in the earlier posting. Call me rude or efficient!)

There are many times when playing a good game is all we want to do. Most often these instances occur after minor alcohol consumption. Here are some examples of good games:

1. Live a musical! I.e. dont speak, sing your heart out. You need something? "Help! I need somebody help!". Hot date with your partner? "And I-ai-ai-ai will always love you". Tired? "Good night sweetheart well it's time to go". and so and so forth...
2. The Read-between-the-lines. A friend of mine (he prefers to be anonymous) and me came up with this game, probably under the influence of alcohol. However when trying to explain the game in a sober state to someone, it didnt really work out. And unfortunately we havent been so drunk lately to actually try the game out for real. But the idea is splendid, and Im sure I'll enjoy playing the game one fine day!
3. Go through all classical song lyrics. Here are some examples:
- Pulp: Underwear - " If fashion is your trade then when you're naked, I guess you must be unemployed"
- Blame it on my youth - "If I believed in love, when first we kissed, blame it on my youth. If I forgot to eat and sleep and pray, blame it on my youth" etc etc. Basically the whole song becomes classic, let me explain why. If you feel like you're silly in love, you can always blame it "on your youth". So you dont need to take bad credit for acting silly. Plus that also means that you're not old at all, since you're blaming it all on your youth.
- Robbie Williams: Monsson - "Ive had more blonds than brunettes". Obviously only is a classic line since it's Robbie's, and acts in my favour.

I had a real classical line, but Ive forgotten it for the moment. Please excuse and let me come back, once it has come back to me.

Adios amigos
Hanna

Can you run out of bullshit?

2006-11-05T22:11:00.000-08:00

Good Morning (well for me at least)

The question that is keeping us all awake night after night is "Can you run out of bullshit?". And unfortunately the answer is that, yes, just like you can run out of inspiration, energy and emotions, you can run out of bullshit. This can occur in times of good stress (meaning bad stress for the bullshitting. But good in the sense of you have a lot to do, but meaning you dont bullshit. So actually it's bad stress. Cause normal bad stress which keeps us activated but not the mind busy, will create bullshit, so that is good stress for the bullshit), or because your happy with your partner, or have a dog or any equal pet consuming your attention (at least Ive heard this could happen from others) etc etc.

But, dont worry, there is remedy! Here follows the HP-formula to be back on track:
1. Have a chat with Angie - not only is it entertaining, you can also turn anything and everything around, and all of a sudden the world is an arena for bullshit. Not to mention that you also realise that you're the queens of everything!
2. Go to a meeting totally unprepared - Im telling you, when it's time for you to give your thoughts or an update, the bullshit will just flow!
3. Pretend your pregnant - put a pillow under your shirt and walk into the office. Im sure a lot of bullshit will come out when you have to explain that you're 7 months pregnant. Obviously this only works for girls. Or actually, if a guy would do it, more bullshit explanations would be needed.
4. Phone Niel (and his phone number is +91 12 34 56 78). Sam is equally as good. But dont think that this means that you can phone any random Indian, it's Sam and Niel we're talking about.
5. Book an island - now we're talking Richard Branson style. Bring some alcohol, and a few like-minded friends! Guaranteed entertainment!
6. Write a list of ways out of bullshit depression - Im telling you the pressure on your shoulders to cure the world will give you inspiration!

Well, that's it folks!! hope it can help!! Please also share your tips. We might all need these tips in moments of despair!

Yours truly and truly yours
/H

Robbie

2006-10-22T13:51:00.000-07:00

Had the honour and pleasure to see Robbie on tv today. I quote:
"They asked me to join Take That for a good bye tour. The journalists were saying that I never gave a proper goodbye. And I thought they had a case, so I considered it. Then I saw that I had sold 3 million tickets to my own concerts... ;)". That's the way to go Robbie!

I dont care if he's gay - I would be all his!!

/H

Care for some Viagra today?

2006-10-14T12:55:00.000-07:00

I guess you have all heard about Impulse Products, those ones you buy in the spur of the moment, those ones you buy without anticipated consideration, those ones you find usually while you are waiting for your turn at the supermarket queue.

Impulse products usually include gum, sweets, celebrities gossip & fashion magazines, razors, batteries, etc.

But hey, that applies only when you are offline.

Online, the impulse product seems to be our world wide famous: Viagra and all their sustitutes.

I dont know about you, but i get tons of mails per month trying to convince me to buy Viagra or Love Tabs or Cialis or or or.. And now that i think of it, even Michael Jackson himself has emailed me with such offers!

Now, trying to go to the bottom of all this, is Viagra seriously an impulse product? Is it something you buy in the spur of the moment or something you buy because your moment gets spurred by something else than you and your capabilities?

As for me, i SWEAR if the moment comes, ill be the first to run to the pharmacy, not only by impulse but by ACTUAL need, and get some Viagra, Cialis or whatever new catchy name they have.

For the time being, i wont buy Viagra out of impulse, even if they advertise it on our beloved Random BS box! Instead, ill remove the damn box and try to come up with something else later.

Damn, im a genious!

Wrong place

2006-10-13T07:20:00.000-07:00

You can be at the right place at the right time.
Can you be at the wrong place at the right time?

If you can, that’s the perfect excuse for being late. “Oh, sorry. Are you there? Im right here, it’s just that “here” is the wrong place.”

/H

The king of B.S.

2006-10-11T04:00:00.000-07:00

Im not kidding, this danish soldier/speaker/bulshitter is actually called B.S. Christiansen.
What a name, what a man, book him for a lecture on harccore BS:
http://www.bschristiansen.dk/idd46.asp

Food (....what else?)

2006-10-10T03:01:00.000-07:00

I dont think it's me eating too much. I think it's others eating too little

/H

Grease-therapy

2006-09-03T13:48:00.000-07:00

I know that light-therapy (mainly works for Scandinavians living 6 months in darkness), talk-therapy, energy-therapy, you-name-it-therapy, have been tried to help against depression. But has anyone tried Grease-therapy?

Put on "Summer nights", "Oh, Sandy", "You're the one that I want" or anyother of the everlasting hits, and I swear that the world will start dancing in good old fifties style, and feel good!

/H

disintermediate semantic ecologies

2006-08-21T23:35:00.000-07:00

Ohhhh. Behold this great machine of many wonders. I know its long since i contributed with som BS, but this has got to be more than enough: http://emptybottle.org/bullshit/

What could be sweeter on a tuesday morning than an automatic bullshit generator, now Absolut Blogshit can fire half of its staff. Hmmm... would that include me?

Cars and driving

2006-07-30T12:55:00.000-07:00

Hey!

Let's all just come to an agreement:

1) in countries with white police cars (like Sweden) white normal cars should be forbidden, so I dont need to worry each time a white car shows up in the rear mirror and I think they'll catch me for speeding
2) drivers who dont intend to drive at least at the maximum speed limit (like driving 70km/h on a 90km/h road) should preferably stay at home continue living their slow life
3) caravans or any other big vehicles, who are blocking the road and sight and who cant drive fast enough, should preferably only drive during specific hours when noone else is on the road

/H

It's a men's world....

2006-07-06T12:18:00.000-07:00

..... even the saying "What's up?" goes for men. I mean I never know what to answer to that question. But men at least they have the physical ability to have something pointing upwards...

Halleluja!
/H

Staying sober

2006-07-04T12:12:00.000-07:00

So they say that to avoid that painful hangover or that dreadful state of drunkness when you do stupid things and cant remember anything the day after, one should skip the last two drinks. But what if one has already had the last two drinks?

/H

Dont judge me!

2006-06-29T12:57:00.000-07:00

Hey party people!

Saw this sticker on a car which I just loved;

"Only God can judge me"

!

It rocks! It's like "F--k off if you're not God, and let me do whatever I wanna do!"

/H

Back on track

2006-06-25T04:22:00.000-07:00

Dear all,

The soccer world cup has kept us all engaged, but now when both Sweden and Mexico are out we can all focus on bullshit again. But as a last comment on the world cup; I was watching a game, when the camera zoomed in a man in the audience who was picking his nose. Wouldnt that be a great thing to be famous for all over the world. 2 billion people are watching you picking your nose! Now that's something to be remembered for!

When we cant focus our attention on our fabulous football players (irony intented for the Swedish team, true for the Mexican one), we instead have to turn our attention to Robbie Williams (and I'll do it with delight). His song lyrics, such as "Ive had more blondes than brunettes" could give him the Nobel price in literature, and from the new album I have found my new favourite lines that I want to share with you:
"Smoking kills
sex sells
I've got one hand in my pocket but the
other one looks cool as hell
I know I'm going to die so my revenge
is living well
Oh Lord make me pure but not yet"

And talking about being pure, one of the disadvantages with a high-tech society is that kids (i.e. my 9 year old niece) start to use msn, and also make their friends add you to your msn (and you cant really say no and break their heart). Which means that kids have intruded your bullshit area, and that you need to be careful with your nicknames. On top of it, as kids always do, they want to talk to you but they dont have anything to say. They just want your undivided attention, but I dont have that much to say to a 9 year old friend of my niece... So the only thing that saves this catastrohpic scenario, is that I think that at least it's good for them to write a lot and improve their spelling!

/H

The Ultimate Push Up!

2006-06-12T19:55:00.000-07:00

I have always wondered why is it that there arent that many tools for enhancing guys' appearance...

You know, girls have make up, hairdos, high heels, many different jeans/pants/tops/swimming suits styles, wonder bras, underwear with holes to push stuff a bit, underwear with super tight lycra to 'reduce' size... lalala...

What do guys have?! Hair gel/wax, deo, cream shave and lotion. (Ok, at least if they are not metro)

My conclusion is that guys really ~~over~~trust their verbal bullshitting skills, so... why bother looking good when they can baffle girls around with some bull?

That brilliant conclussion though, applies to all men, except Swedes.

A Swede would do ANYTHING to look good and it would NEVER mean he bothers to do so. After all, a real humble Swede reckons that his verbal bullshitting skills will only be at their best after he has consumed one liter of Absolut Vodka, and those occasions are just not enough.

The Ultimate Push-Up could not be born anywhere else!

Im thinking i should maybe start importing these things... bullshit amateurs around the globe could very well use a lift! :)

Is there a "stop" for bullshitting?

2006-06-04T05:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the thought hit me - Are there time when one should just not be bullshitting?

The thought hit me when I was picking up my aunt to drive her to my mum's birthday. And trying to be a nice girl I keeped up the conversation with talk about nothingness, talk not leading anywhere, words just rambling out of my mouth (i.e. in some circumstances referred to as bullshitting). And then I realised - is this fair of me? is this appropriate? Am I fooling my aunt?

Another situation (not similar but when bullshitting just doesnt work is when you're bullshitting someone, and that person just isnt a bullshitter, hence doesnt understand you're just talking shit. Instead of replying in a witty manner, the person gives some logical, calculated answers to your random thoughts. You feel like going "Hey! I was just bullshitting!", but instead you just nod and smile, but inside you think "Well, this person is not going to our blog!".

So maybe it's only in this forum with this community that bullshitting is appropriate, and obviously fun! I mean if people dont understand my jokes, 1) too bad for them, 2) I shouldnt waste my jokes on them. After all "it takes a bullshitter to know one".

So the question of the day is: is there a time for bullshit? and a "not-time" for bullshit? Is it always appropriate? Luckily I have some time to think this all through...

Ta ta
/H

Bullshit is useful!

2006-05-28T03:43:00.000-07:00

Okey, I have read the following:

"What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: What makes up 100% in life?

If:A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hardwork and knowledge will get you close, and, Attitude will get you there, Bullshit and Ass kissing will put you over the top!!!"

So, dont feel guilty for spending time on this blog! ;)
/H

Oops, we did it again!

2006-05-18T16:16:00.000-07:00

Yes, beautiful people out there...

Life sucks and then we changed our poll..

May your heart (and mouse) go on..

And may we be able to get your vote!

(yeah, very lame but anyway... VOTE!)

I am A... and I am here to stay

2006-05-12T17:11:00.000-07:00

So this is my first post in the blogshitters community that I have been honoured to be invited to by Senorita Angie (I am just trying to get in her good books, but I should call her senora actually). Before we start the hostilities, let me introduce myself: I am Anis a Tunisian blogshitter, AIESEC member for a few years and nomad for a couple more.

So I think I am in my element (according to Angie’s stats) as 86% of the blogshitters are guys and most of all that 80% are Indians as I carry a special love for India.

My love story with India started the day I had an interview with AIESEC International for an external relation position (GPM). The panel was: Pedro (president), Yumna (current GPM), the current External relation VP, and the Elect VP… the thing is out of 4 people, 3 were Indians. And the nominated GPM was… Indian.

So since that day and I love India as much as I love AIESEC international :)

Shoot at me I am a masochiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiist…

But before you wear your Dick Cheney hunting clothes and pull the trigger, maybe you should read the disclaimer first. I have a bad habit to stick with the rules:

1 - Be aware that any information you find here may be offensive, misleading, abusive, ironic, dangerous, misspelled, inaccurate, illegal, excessive, etc.
2 - Any resemblance to actual events, persons, and random shit in general is entirely coincidental.

Oh and if you don’t like it:

3 - Go sue me or something

Mouahhahahaa (satanic laugh), I love disclaimers… Blahhhh total bullshit… ohhh, perfect!!!!!

A.

Who are you?

2006-05-12T00:47:00.000-07:00

Back in the days when I attended IPM in Sri Lanka we had to play this game “Who are you?” and really dig deep into that question. For some reason mr Goel, Rajat (who was there with Electrolux) and me teamed up. I think the main reason for that team was to try to escape the game. However after a while I obviously got conscious and felt that we also had to play the game. Obviously I had no clue what to answer when they asked me “So, who are you?”… and somehow funnily those two guys managed to not answer the question at all. Still when Robin asks me “So, who are you?” I have freaking no clue what to answer.

But now it is solved! And that without even having spent too much money at schrink appointments! All that was needed was a few 10 seconds test on the internet. So this is who I am:

I am a “London-girl” cause Im both a cosmopolitan big city girl, at the same time as traditional. My marriage proposal should happen in Christmas time with snow and city lights. I AM a man-eater- the kind of girl all chicks hate, and guys are both scared of me yet getting strangely involved with (eeehh… yeah right). I am also a GREAT girlfriend: “When it comes to your guy, you're very thoughtful. But you also haven't stopped thinking of yourself. You're the perfect blend of independent and caring. You're a total catch - make sure your guy knows it too!”

Now at least I know who I am! If you also want to find out who you are you can check this link:
http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatcitydoyoubelonginquiz/ (I dont know how to make a nice cool link saying "Click here")

/H

PS: Obviously the person guiding me to this “enlightment” was the one and only Angie! Can we please know who you are as well?

Rambling

2006-05-08T19:22:00.000-07:00

I have a few statements to make; however they are not necessarily connected to each other, not that this fact has ever been an issue (at least on Absolut Blogshit), so ill just proceed:

a) During my absence last month, the unbelievable happened! The legendary Amit Sood pulled himself together to accept the invite to Absolut Blogshit! Okay, forget about accepting invites... he POSTED on AB! Whoa!! Im kinda sure his post was the longest sentence I have heard from him (apart from his now famous monosyllables on MSN) since we lived together in Stockholm! Welcome onboard Sood and i hope you will be a regular from now on...

b) It turns out Absolut Blogshit is 80% comprised by indians and 86% comprised by guys!! Now that may not be all that shocking to you, and now that i think of it, its not that shocking to me either, but i just thought we should make that clear and official at some point. In fact, these very relevant statistics just beautifully lead to the 3rd topic, which is...

c) Me being constantly part of a minority. It starts with me being a redhead, which makes me part of the 4% of the world's population. Followed by me hating onions, which makes me part of the 1% of the world's population. Followed by me being really disgusted at this lamb barbacoa meat that is supposedly a dish fit for the Gods, which must make me part of the 0.2% of the carnivore world's population.

I really dont mind being a minority on AB, nor being a minority because of the colour of my hair, but it is EXTREMELY annoying to be a minority when it comes to onions and meats... whenever i go eat i have to remember to ask the waiter to please abstain from adding onions to my dish (cause all things being equal, onions will be part of the recipe), and thats kinda the best case scenario, cause what happens when you are invited to a meal at someone's place and all they have is lamb barbacoa with onions?

You gain weight cause you stuff yourself with beer and tortillas instead!

Bullshit for the Underaged

2006-05-05T00:01:00.000-07:00

Need i say more? I hope the Parenthood Guides out there include a whole chapter about how to bullshit professionally.

Premium membership

2006-05-04T00:13:00.000-07:00

Dear readers,

Time has come to grant "Premium membership" to one more of our fellow bloggers. Just like in a relationship we praise passion, commitment and pro-activeness on this blog! So ladies and gentleman, a true gentleman has shown these characteristics and from now on can call himself "Premium member" of Absolut Blogshit. Put your hands together for - Amit Desai! May you live long and propesperous!

Kind regards,
Angie and Hanna

Indian Livers :)

2006-05-02T03:24:00.000-07:00

hey all,
after Valborg which is celebrated as a 1st day of spring in sweden - well i doubt if people give two hoots to this. its a festival where there is non stop drinking from 10 00 AM.

Concept of champagne gallop - where u get a bottle of champagne for 100 swedish bucks and then ppl spray champagne like crazy and ofcourse drink it as if a guy who ran a marathon is given 'water'

But anyways, i was fortunate enough to be a part of this. Now about approx 4-5 years back, when i compare my first sip of alcohol to today where i dont feel drunk after a considerable amount of alcohol, i wonder occasionally how my liver is grown up or become tough. it feels that if your liver is non existent considering you just tank up like never before!

i had the honour of working with Sam - and i have never seen him like crazy passed out. He is a tanker who can put in abt 5 - 6 pitchers of beer easily alone, but wouldnt have signs of wearing away.

and so i have been thinking about dedicating this post to the liver of indians and i am sure there are more livers that have been playing a tough role in making sure that you enjoy life!

As people do say - cheers to beers and britney spears or pamela's peers, i want to share my thoughts by involving everyone to now also use:
"Cheers to beers and our livers :)"

- Amit

Señora or Señorita?

2006-04-27T15:42:00.000-07:00

I dont know about other languages or countries, but in spanish in Mexico, it is very common to make a clear distinction between Señora and Señorita.

Señora: A woman who is married, have kids or at least is old enough to do so.

Señorita: A young, immaculate and pure woman who is single AND does not even imagine the wonders of a ‘marital life’ (i.e. Virgin).

I bring this up because lately, for a very strange reason, the world has decided that its time for me to be called: Señora.

I go to the bank, they guy behind the counter says: Good morning señora.

I go rent a movie, the girl in charge greets me: Welcome to Blockbuster señora!

I go to the supermarket, the cashier asks: Señora, did you find everything?

I go have lunch, the waiter says: Señora, your food..

My Señorita times seem to be long gone with the wind and Im just puzzled about HOW, WHY, WHEN?

How, why and when I started looking so old to make people think I share my salary with kids running around the house?

But more importantly,

How, why and when I stopped looking innocent, pure and clueless about the Kamasutra?

The first times I felt like correcting people.. you know, ‘Excuse me! But even if it takes you longer.. SeñorITA!’ (hey, at least Im not married and certainly, I don’t have kids!)

But then I changed my mind, after all I didn’t feel like ventilating to the world that even when I look this HOT, im not getting a lot of.. fun.

So now im only thinking...

Experience and happiness SHOW!.. what the heck!

Señora it is!

What will happen then?

2006-04-26T01:16:00.000-07:00

Dear readers,

As all good things come to an end, I guess there will be a time when Absolut Blogshit will not exist anymore. Probably this will have the same effect as the ice age. But hopefully this is far ahead in time, since we not cant foresee what would take over internet or maybe blogging as a first stage.

However my interest in this topic, doesnt lie in when happiness will disappear or why, but how it will happen. Will it be like the Big Bang - with obvious vast consequences for human beings (like killing all dinosaurs)? Or will it fade out, just like the end of song that a bad musician has written who cant even finish a song properly. Or will all CEOs start marching on the street, demanding that Absolut Blogshit be shut down, since their employees aren't working anymore but just read the blog (or then they see through the bullshit at their company and threaten the CEO's position). Or... what? More thoughts? And how can we prevent this from happening one day?

/H

Sleep and sheep

2006-04-17T07:54:00.000-07:00

Im sure you have all tried the old trick (why a trick when it doesnt work??) of counting sheep when not being able to fall asleep. Have you also experienced the problem that the sheep stop running after they have jumped the hurdle? Which means that there's a group of 14 sheep standing directly after the hurdle, which means that the 15th sheep and all the coming ones dont have anywhere to land. So what happens is that sheep 15 and onwards lands on the group of sheep and then make a huge bounce and land further ahead, after which (on a good day) they continue running so that the following sheep dont have to bounce twice (and then with sheep 30 thrice and so on and so on). When it all becomes this complicated it's obviously impossible to actually fall asleep...

/H

Time

2006-04-10T05:17:00.000-07:00

Good day,

I think we all can agree on the fact that time flies. But how come it's still always so long between the salaries?....

/H

The Tao of Pooh

2006-04-10T00:22:00.000-07:00

"When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last, "what's the first thing you say to yourself?""What's for breakfast? said Pooh. "What do you say, Piglet?""I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet.Pooh nodded thoughtfully."It's the same thing," he said.

Surnames

2006-04-06T13:33:00.000-07:00

Hi!!

I know that Im not the right person to pull people's legs about their surnames :-), but I just have to make a comment.

There have been Finish presidents named Svinhufvud, which means Swinehead. Today I saw a researcher named Oh. (That person must have heard a lot of bad jokes throughout his days.) I also know that my mother thought that something was missing when my father introduced himself as "Jussi Pulli". "Pulli what?" At least the first names people can do something about, which means they shouldnt name their children "Arvid Arvidsson" - please have a bit more imagination!

Well, that was just my highly valuable thoughts on names. Please share yours!
Hanna

Temporarily Offline

2006-04-04T16:21:00.000-07:00

Yes people, as you read it... but please dont panic!

It will be only for a couple of weeks, theres a very good reason for it, and last but not least, i know i leave you and Absolut Blogshit in good hands - which are Hanna's, and no, not that Ive ever tried her hands but well, you know what i mean.

Speaking of hands i have or havent tried, in this endeavour i will be in good hands too, and by that i mean our platinum member Jonas' hands. So you wont be reading from him all that much either, cause ill make sure his hands (and mine) are busy with other things.

Okay, after all this handing.. i officially hand it over to Miss Pulli!

Appetite!

2006-03-28T01:06:00.000-08:00

The mystery is solved!!!...

I read on the subway that appetite, comes from the latin word "appetitus", which apart from meaning hunger and craving for food, also means lust and desire. And now I understand why I'm hungry and want to eat all the time! This huge appetite of mine is actually just a way for a dull Swede to let out the passion and lust that is bundling inside of me, and which is close to force me to burst would it not be channalised through my hunger!

So to all my hungry friends - cheers to passion!

/H

It's a bird, It's a plane...

2006-03-23T15:13:00.000-08:00

Its our New Poll!!!

In case you had not noticed, we have changed our periodically-updated poll. As usual, it is out there to conquer some truth about the really important things in life, and therefore it is still living up to its own essence and high standards.

This time we want to know What kind of drunk you are. Please note that we are not questioning if you actually are a drunk, we assume you have passed that typical denial phase to finally enter the fabulous world of drunk acceptance and self-knowledge.

We look forward to read your confession, and we look even more forward to have the chance to compare 'theory' and 'practice' when the opportunity knocks our doors!

Bullshit and Relativity

2006-03-21T12:05:00.000-08:00

Everything is relative.

Who hasnt heard of that?

But hey, when they say everything, they mean EVERY thing. Even Bullshit.

Bullshit looks, smells and sounds different depending on where exactly you are standing at a given moment of time.

If you dont believe me, then you gotta believe the Theory of Relativity's Master: A. Einstein yeah? Cause he has actually said it himself...

One of these days im gonna start reading Absolut Blogshit while im standing on my hands, it may have a totally new meaning!!

(Special thanks to Mr. Daniel Stenvall for providing the supporting evidence for this post)

Today is an important day

2006-03-19T23:48:00.000-08:00

Hallo everyone!

Today, and this is no bullshit, is the "International day for frogs".

I say, let's all raise our glasses!

/Hanna

Love, love, love

2006-03-17T00:52:00.001-08:00

Hallo hallo!!!

Ive been thinking.

Once again, I want to stress the logic and simple approach that kids use, and I would like to strike a blow for everyone to have more of a kid-way of living life.

This is the story: my niece (Johanna) told me that her friend (Ebba) had got a new boyfriend the day before (cant remember the name of the boy, let's call him Johan). How it had happend was that Johanna had told Johan that Ebba likes him. She had asked Johan if he likes Ebba. He had answered yes. Johanna went and told this to Ebba. And then Johan and Ebba were a couple. This highly loving couple did not talk to each other, but they were still together. Until Johan the day after broke up. Or he did not break up, but Johanna heard him saying to someone else that he was not together with Ebba, which means that he had broken up.

That's the kind of simplicity in love life I want! Instead we "grown-ups" spend six months waiting for the right moment to come to tell someone we like him/her. Then we also have a sex month period to really break-up.

Imagine if instead, I would ask Angie to tell mr. Pilly that I like him. Angie goes to mr Pilly, says "Ms Pulli likes you, do you like her?". He answers yes (lets hope at least!). Angie comes back to me, says he likes me, and then we are a couple. If for any reason I would stop being in love with mr Pilly, I ask Angie to tell him so.

Imagine the efficiency of love life that we would achieve! We would spend less time in agony wondering if this person really likes us, and think about which words to use. I think this is really a strategy to quickly "turn passion into action"!

Go kids! Go love!
/H

Commenting on the surprising poll result

2006-03-16T10:06:00.000-08:00

The poll has now been open for quite some time and the amount of people sharing their voice in this important matter has been high. Therefore any conclusions will be statistically reassured.

However we must note that we are a bit surprised about the result. We currently have 12 votes for Angie and Hanna in a boat, two for Jennifer and two for Angelina. It has now actually become quite crucial to marry Donald Trump (at least for one of us, and I guess I have to sacrifice myself and do so) to get access to that boat. Angelina comments on the results saying that she's not too disappointed, as long as she can spend the evenings home with Brad. Unfortunately Brad will join us on the boat.

Jennifer is a bit more devasted, but says that she has got good friends who will take care of her (I know... bad joke... no wonder she didnt get more votes...)

What would be of interest for future studies is to compare these results to the results from our previous poll (i.e. if people would be have sex with a celebrity even if they couldnt tell a single soul), and see which conclusions that can be drawn.

We thank you for your co-operation. Science has once again taken a step forward!
And Donald - let us know when the boat is set up!
/Angie and Hanna

I wonder...

2006-03-07T18:28:00.000-08:00

Does this make Americans qualify as Bullshitters?

(I hope im not offending anyone with this innocent cartoon. If so, please read our Disclaimer before you open fire or water or anything!)

Is there a hierarchy for shit?

2006-03-03T15:41:00.000-08:00

What is the difference between horseshit, bullshit, dogshit, birdshit, lambshit, flyshit, etc?

Among all the different animals.. why did we pick bulls for our favorite art and sport: Bullshit?

I am sure you (as many other intellectuals) have been wondering about these rather meaningful topics and therefore, i am set to offer some insights to your quest:

In the early days, our ancestor-bullshitters were struggling to name their favorite sport; it was very clear to them that it had something to do with 'shit', so the only thing left to establish was whose or what kind of. Those interrogations were the driver to run a thorough assesment to define a shit's hierarchy or categorisation. The factors taken into account for the results were never brought to light, but that was obviously not necessary, as everybody knows we bullshitters trust each other's rationale when its time to do so.

Your inferences are correct. After the assessment, (somehow) Bulls were selected and a new era had started..

But what was behind that special selection?

a) As you may have noticed, bulls are quite impressive. Big, Strong and Powerful.. features that would obviously characterise (at least at certain crucial moments) anyone that can call himself a bullshitter. Not to mention they also truly characterise the effect that pure bullshit can have if managed appropriately.

b) Some years ago, this vegetarian-yoga duo movement was not really in vogue (at least not outside India), which clearly implies most of our ancestors were not into it, they seriously enjoyed a piece of big-fat-red meat, so a tribute to beef banquets was a natural thing to do.

There is another theory though that hints it was indian ancestors who picked bulls, and they did it because of bulls' close relation to cows. You know, bullshitting is considered the 1st national sport in India (yeah, even before cricket believe it or not!) so they had to name it after an important symbol.

In the end, there is not enough scientific evidence to prove that bulls made it first on that hierarchy or if the assessment revealed astonishing data about them. After all, lets face it.. being bullshitters we would certainly do even if we had picked mosquitos.

Urban legends allude that most likely our ancestors were simply 'exercising' again.

Gold hamsters.... ???!!!!

2006-03-02T03:27:00.000-08:00

Hallo!!

Who came up with the idea that we need a pet called (or rather than just being called, actually BEING) a hamster! Or a gold hamster for the fancy ones... (or actually not for the fancy ones but for the hamsters that have a golden fur). Now one can wonder how I came to think about this. The answer is not that I was extremely bored at a seminar in ethical conduct (which I was) and that my thoughts wandered off to hamsters (the likely hood of that happening is kinda small), but that I am guarding nothing less than four hamsters currently! Why each of my nephews and niece had to get a hamster remains an enigma. But seriously, which value do the hamsters play? They're too small to play with, they bite, and they smell! Okey now I shouldnt be too harsch on the hamster, since right now they are the only people (or creatures) to whom I play an importance, they depend on me to get food!

But this is my observation on the uselessness of hamsters:
1) they spend an enormous part of their time awake climbing upside down on the cage-ceiling. This means that they spend half their life upside down. This I think is evidence for other strange behavior, namely;
2) Horrified last night after having given one of the hamsters heaps of food (so that he, or is it a she could survive for 2 days without me taking care of him) I find that there's no food left. I give him/her more food and he/she immediately jumps there. I was getting afraid he/she would explode. Then I realise that he/she has just taken the food and put it in one of the "plastic room" in the cage. Why would one do that? If you're served food at the dinner table, you dont take it and put it in the corner of the living room?
3) They sit in their food while they eat it!!

I think point 3 just says enough. I cant go on.
If anyone has positive encounters with hamsters to share, please do so. Im pussled about their existence!

Cheerio
/H

Is your job bullshit?

2006-03-01T16:28:00.000-08:00

I guess you already know, but in case you need some reinforcement, take this quick quiz and find out!

I scored 116. So, ladies and gentlemen, its official: im an Artist!

Im just kinda wondering if we bullshitters are supposed to enjoy bullshit jobs. Cause a bullshit job is not the same as bullshitting at your job, is it?

Warning this is no bullshit-post

2006-02-26T08:00:00.000-08:00

Ice hockey GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD! Gold, gold, gold!!!!
OS-guld, OS-guld, OS-guld!! Fy fan vad vi är bra!!!!

I know, this is no bullshit. But events like the gold in icehockey in the olympic games (olympiska spelen =OS) reserves all attention!

OS-GULD!! OS GULD!!! OS GULD!!! Woohooo!!!!!

Hanna

Once again my apologies for breaking the bullshitting rule!

Peak of performance

2006-02-23T23:44:00.000-08:00

Hey!!

Normally it's said that women reach their peak of performance when they are a bit over 30 years old, but I have to say that I already at the age of 2? have excelled my bullshit performance. This peak is dependent on the following:
- I have obviously gathered some experience, i.e. Im not a virgin-bullshitter anymore. So now I know what is good, how I want to have it, and maybe most importantly for this peak - how to satisfy others. So years of practise have made me better
- Knowing what I want, also means knowing what I dont want, and what I dont want to see on this blog... and I dare to say it. So my partners in crime should then know how they can satisfy me.
- Ive also learnt through all my entercounters that everyone has a different style, and different tastes for what they like and want. I can learn from others, we can together try new things, and we can make sure that our interactions are enjoyable
- Being experienced also mean that we're not prude anymore, we dare to say when we want to bullshit, and we make sure we get it
- Having the possibility to do it again and again and again obviously increases my performance

So cheers !
/H

Jello Waste

2006-02-22T13:08:00.000-08:00

This post is fondly dedicated to the creative individual who came up with the design of those beautiful jello plastic molds that makes approximately 5-6% of the total jello consumption in the world be wasted in the name of Design. Yes people, Design with a capital D.

For some reason, in the last couple of months my consumption of jello has increased, and therefore I have had the chance to observe how much of it is wasted due to the elegant shape of the jello containers. For you to be able to empty the whole thing, you need to a) have plenty of time and patience, b) find the appropriate spoon and c) be very skillful with the later.

First I thought it was the brand I was choosing for convenience, (i.e. the one being sold in the closest mini market), but now, after trying most of the brands out there, I have concluded they all hired the same Designer.

As you must imagine, these results really perplexed me and I started questioning.. whats the meaning of that shape? Is there any Machiavellian plan behind it?

One of my thesis was that the molds were shaped like that to generate a feeling of insatiability in the consumers, and instead of buying one, they would end up buying two (or more).. but that thesis was rapidly proven wrong when I conducted an extensive market research surveying random jello consumers. 98.9% of them responded that they would still stick to ONE jello.

For cases like this, I simply reckon that I have to come to my knowledge fountain, which of course means the Absolut Blogshit crew.

What is it with these jello molds?

Kids and bullshit

2006-02-21T10:22:00.000-08:00

Dear readers,

Today I had dinner with my niece. And at a point I realised that she was sitting there babbling about how to draw the letter U if you're really tired, and how you cant go up on the curve, and yada yada... And then I realised that sometimes talking to kids is just like talking to premium bullshitters such as Angie, Niel and Sam. For example today when I talked to Niel I dont think that more than 1% of what was said 1) made sense, 2) had a link to the sentence before, 3) had a link to what the other person was saying. I.e. having a conversation with two bullshitters mean that you talk a lot but nothing is said. Must admit though that sometimes kids have more logic than any adult. Im happy though that in this case the bullshit-gene continues in the family. So not only does my niece (who to make it easier is called Johanna Pulli) look exactly like I did when I was 8, but she has some potential in life.

Over and out
/Stockholm

Polls and research

2006-02-18T01:23:00.000-08:00

Hallo!!

I once heard that some researchers in UK had conducted a big survey among children who's father or mother had left the family. What the researchers concluded was that these kids werent feeling good being abandoned by one of their parents. !!!!! Did it take a research team and investments of xxxxxxx euros to figure that out!!! Im happy this world is really focusing on finding out the relevant things.

In the quest for knowledge we have put up a new poll. The findings from this poll will probably prove highly important for mankind, and hence we urge all of you to pull out 1 second from your precious time, and vote.

Kind regards
/Angie and Hanna

Hmmm....

2006-02-14T23:53:00.000-08:00

If time heals everything, then it can't be a good thing that doctors are always stressed.

/H

Little support

2006-02-14T11:42:00.000-08:00

I guess im a biiiit late but well..

If you happen to be into that Valentine's Bullshit, and you need an extra zing for the corny lines you want to write to your loved one, use the Poetry Generator!

Remember, if you can't dazzle her/him with the truth.. baffle her/him with some mushy bullshit!

A tribute to men!

2006-02-10T16:08:00.000-08:00

As you might have noticed there are only men specially invited to this blog, and apart from Angie and me, there are only male postings/comments on this blog. As for the fact with the high proportion of Indians on this blog, the high proportion of men on this blog needs analysis. First of all let me state, that God please let the ration men:women stay as it is on this blog!! Girls, if you are offended, I once again refer to the disclaimer to the right on this page.

So, we need to analyse, 1) why are so many bullshitters being men, 2) why do Angie and I have so many male friends (who suitably also are good bullshitters hence belong to this blog)?

1) Why are so many bullshitters men?
One of the reasons I believe in is that bullshit is a way to not get to the core of your inner self, you build up a shell of bullshit. As we know, girls are very keen on analysing everything and dig so deep into themselves so they almost pop out on the other side of their body. Whereas men might not be so strong in this analytical skill, and do not want to get in touch with their inner self all the time. Hence, you bullshit (thank God!).

Im sure there are many more reasons, but maybe you men would like to enlighten us about them.

2) Why do Angie and Hanna have such a strong male network?
Hmm... one can either think that they (i.e. we, i.e. Angie and Hanna) are pojkflickor (for those of you who dont speak Swedish, that means boy-girls). Are we? Hmm... well I did like to climb trees when I was a kid, but equally much time I spent with dolls. So I dont think this is the reason. I just think that men (most, most, most of the time) are so much more fun! And hence my strong boy-network.

As we all know girls just analyse too much. "Why did he say hi and not hallo? Does that mean that he likes me, or that he doesnt want to have a relationship right now, or that he's totally not interested?" Beats me! Girls complicate things too much.

Girls also have this habit of doing everything in pairs (the going to the bathroom in pairs have been discussed to boredom already so I leave that). Why? Okey, it's fun to have company. But sometimes I, me, myself and I, are just much more fun than other people so why be with more people than with myself?

Dont get me wrong. I want to continue being a girl; I want to fall for men, I want to wear skirts, and I want to carry a baby. But I do like spending time with guys! So boys/men please stay as you are;
1) Dont start analysing. Anyways what we girls say wont make too much sense. And I swear it has no specific meaning if I said hi or hallo when you called.
2) Continue being helpless once in a while, we enjoy taking care of you. And girls enjoy feeling needed. Important to add is also that it is very much easier to take care of a guy than of a girl. We girls know exactly which buttons to press and where to touch to make you happy and satisfied, whereas you guys have a lot to learn in that area. (If you are prude you should be blushing now, because Im referring to exactly what you all are thinking off).
3) Dont become mushy. If anyone would ever buy me a teddybear with the text "I love you", I would probably puke! Being emotional is nice, but dont be mushy! And once again, dont get me wrong. Im not cold-hearted, I have loved so much so I could have written "I love you" all over King Kong! But I dont need a teddybear to tell a guy how I feel about him.

So well I think this was my 5-cents contribution to why men are bullshitters and to why we like men, and to why we want you to stay as you are!

/H

The thing with the Indians

2006-02-09T05:28:00.000-08:00

Well, well, well,
My debut on the thing i love doing the most... well thats why i was chosen for the job i am currently doing.. ER i mean! Well you need to master the art of bullshitting to take up this position :) Am Kidding (I wrote this word just in case a company sees this - i still dont wanna lose my job;) )

I read Hanna's post about why Indians and bullshitting, well i gave a 2 second thought, but the answer was clear - Indians are extremely competitive - whether for getting a job, good grades or skolling beer!
This is clearly shown by the fact that you guys had to open a blog to get views on this - it shows that there is a clear lack of this art amongst people! People need a forum to discuss this and not during natural talks, social meetings etc.

And Indians were very proactive in this - they knew that here's an opportunity! To get an art which people lack - hence they mastered this art to gain a competitive edge in the market!

Those are my 2 bits on bullshitting. Keep up the good work :)

Our 24/7 Hotline

2006-02-08T19:33:00.000-08:00

I thought i would let you know that if youre feeling bored, lonely or with a huge urge to ramble and you need someone to talk to, here i am and TONIGHT is the best time to call me! Not only will you get comfort with my wise and supportive words, but also you will be entertained trying to figure out if i sound like a seal or a walrus or Donald Duck impersonated or simply just too damn sexy to describe...

Dont be shy, give me a ring and lets hear whats your guess..

1-800-ABSOLUT-BS-ANGIE

Bad news

2006-02-07T15:15:00.000-08:00

Hanna complains about the days being too short, and who can blame her. Who wouldnt like to have another go at the "end-of-level-monster" at level 26 before going to sleep, sort the coin collection again, watch another episode of Seinfeld or just have that final beer before going home which would surely make the whole difference?
All this and more could be achieved with only a little more than the totally insufficient 24 hours we are blessed with at the moment.

But sorry... I bringeth bad news.

People remember the horrible tsunami of dec 2004. Not only did it hit a lot of indonesians and other Asians, but it also shortened the day even further... To be more precise, the length of the day decreased by 2.68 millionths of a second. This happened since the world lost almost a millimeter of its waistline, thereby starting to rotate faster.
Hold on to your hats and try not to get dizzy. Keep your feet on the ground and the beer in your hand and you will be fine, late for work tomorrow maybe, but fine!

Life is a bitch eh! (an indian one?)

And hey... Thx for the invite girls, im not worthy...

Special Announcement

2006-02-07T13:53:00.000-08:00

Dear Bullshitters (and Bullshittees) of the world,

In the last couple of days, we have all witnessed the skills that Mr. Indranil Das Blah (t.c.t.c. Niel) has thoroughly displayed on this blog. His eloquence, as well as his genuine commitment to this noble cause, has granted him a Premium Membership on Absolut Blogshit.

This Premium Membership entitles Niel to spend a fabulous weekend in Madrid with one of the honorary founders of this site: Miss Pulli. However, as the weather in those latitudes at the moment must be kind of extreme for someone coming from the Bullshit capital of the world (read Delhi), and we obviously wouldn’t want to take the risk of having our first Premium Member freeze to death, we will make all the arrangements for May, when (hopefully) the first summer breezes appear.

I would just like to remind Niel our rule #1: Don’t bullshit the bullshitter, which means we are very much looking forward to see those millions coming, because the thought of white sandy beaches (not to mention the extensive list of alcoholic beverages) is locked in our minds.

I will also take this opportunity to encourage each one of you to be active participants of Absolut Blogshit and thus, brighten our day with some quality bullshit.

Truly but not yours,

Angie

HELP!

2006-02-06T11:00:00.000-08:00

Important message to fellow bullshitters and supporters of this blog:

We have since the inauguration of this blog received tons of mails and phone calls from supporters all around the world. The traffic on this blog is huge, and the preasure on us to deliver high-quality insights is increasing for each day. Comments we have got are: "I cant start the day, without reading Absolut Blogshit", "Absolut Blogshit is as interesting as my husband" (no comments on that marriage), and "The impact of Absolut Blogshit to mankind is as big as the first landing on the moon".

We are happy for the encouragement to keep this blog alive (and especially happy that we finally have found a meaning in life), but due to the delicate time period both Angie and I are in currently, i.e. job hunting so that we can face a (bright) future, it is hard for us to pull together the time required. We therefore would like to ask for your help, so that we can maintain the quality of this blog. Please,
1) Find us a job - this would not only release time for us currently, but also secure our financial future
or
2) Marry Hanna (Angie is already taken) -this obviously only goes if you're rich and can support her financially
or
3) Give the day more hours - this one is directly addressed to God.

Also, none of the options have to exclude the others. We would actually be happy if you can make all three come true.

With your support we can create history with this blog!
Thanks for reading
Angie and Hanna

No more boring meetings!

2006-02-05T17:00:00.000-08:00

To all of you who are cursed to be participants of boring meetings, discussion groups, conference calls and all that yada yada... I bring you a great concept..

Bullshit Bingo!

-Cost efficient
-Practical
-No limit of participants
-Customized cards according to meeting topic

Next time you are appointed for a meeting.. receive it with an extra zest!

For full instructions and all.. check the official site here!

Enjoy!

White lady

2006-02-05T01:29:00.000-08:00

Good morning!

I am sure you have all heard that if you are in a dark room and look yourself in the mirror, you will see a pale, ghost - THE WHITE LADY - in the mirror.

But, everytime I look myself in the mirror, dark or lit room, I see a white lady in the mirror... :s

I need to buy a brown-without-sun cream or switch country!

/H

India!

2006-02-04T05:03:00.000-08:00

I feel it's necessary to make a statement regarding the high proportion of Indians invited as honorary members to this bullshit blog. Our statistics show that 95% of the invitees are actually Indians, the question in need of an answer then is: 1) Why so many Indians, 2) How come Indians are so good bullshitters (please observe that this is a highly desirable skill which you should all be proud to possess).

Personally I also feel that I have to answer all the questions Ive got throughout the years about the amount of Indians in my life. Ive been putting down a lot of time and research into the two questions above, and into the question of why so many Indians in my life, and I will now share the report with you. Please note that the text on this page can not be distributed, copied, or sold for any other than personal and educational purposes.

HP's official statement regarding India, Indians, and Indian bullshitters

1) Why so many Indians?
Now, I dont mean the demographic issue of 1 billion Indians, I leave that to others to investigate, but the question I will address is why has my life been so full of Indians last years? And hence the reason to having so many Indians being honorary members of this blog. Well, there are many reasons:
a) It is like cockroaches - if you kill one, they all come. Not that I have killed anyone, and not that I know if it's me or the Indian who would be the cockroach, but the moral of the story is that when meeting an Indian friend, he always introduces you to his Indian friends. And so your circle of friends increase like rings on the water, and before you know it they have taken up every spot in your telephone book! And also, when thinking about it, looking at the world's population everybody should have at least 1/6 of Indians, and 1/6 of Chinese people in their phone books.
b) Is there something suspicious hiding behind my blond hair (I know it's hard to believe that it would be something in there...)? Is it all fake? Am I not actually a Swede (no Im not, Im Finnish)? Am I an Indian?, and then obviously I would have many Indian friends....
Theories have been put forward that I was an Indian in a previous life. Now, I dont believe in incarnation (not so Indian after all, huh!), so that cant be true.
Or is like my dear cooking team mate in France Rohan said: "You've become like an Indian bitch!" (which I didnt know if to take it as a compliment... :s). Meaning there is something Indian inside of me, that now finally is being released after 25 years in the Hanna-prison. The Indian in me is finally coming out!
c) Like minded attracts like-minded. So if I have this Indian bloodcells running around in my body, it isnt so tough to see why I would get along so well with Indians. Also, I found that the Indians Ive met have been ambitious, sarcastic, funny, driven, smart and chilled out (enough sucking up!) - and so yes, like-minded attracts like-minded, and obviously I can connect to all the Indians :-)

So that were some of the possible theories to why there are so many Indians on this blog and in my life. But now-

2) Why are Indians so good bullshitters?
Firstly, it is important that I state that one of the reasons why Ive surrounded myself with Indians is their skill in bullshitting. I am happy for everything you've taught me throughout the years, and how youve supported my bullshit-education.
The HP-institute's research on this topic hasnt come very far. During my three-week trip in India I did study this carefully, and thanks to masters like Sam and Indranil I got to experience some first-class bullshitting. However time was too limited for a complete study. Due to today's technology I hope to be able to virtually continue the study, with your contribution to this page, where I can analyse your statements.
I think the answer to this question lies in the root of bullshitting, and why we are spending time doing it. For me bullshitting, is a way of living. And maybe it's the same for Indians. Or then due to the huge Indian population, there obviously has to be more Indian bullshitters in absolute figures than Swedes. And if like-minded attracts like-minded all of them have been sucked to me and Angie through the bullshit magnet that we are carrying.
Other reasons for the Indian's well developed skill in bullshitting can be the weather, the religion, the culture, the food, or simply the fact that a lot of Indian men have red hair when they've done some henna-stuff with it.
As stated, when research has progressed we will present the findings. Any donations to the study are welcome, as well as "test-rabbits" for our bullshit-interviews!

So, now when all this research has been presented, it's time to welcome some Indian bullshitting, to get some diversity to this Mexican-Swedish page.

Enjoy your day!
/H

Lets Bullshit!

2006-02-01T14:02:00.000-08:00

Yes yes, its finally here! THE place to bullshit your ass off!

As you hopefully know, the art of bullshitting is an acquired taste & talent and some of the ultimate goals of this blog are to help those bullshitter-wannabes out there develop themselves and enhance the skills of those who, through constant practice and dedication, have reached the masters level. We firmly believe the achievement of these two goals will allow us to guarantee a sustainable amount of bullshit for the future generations.

It will be a tremendous pleasure to share this space with legendary bullshit celebrities, such as Hanna, and all those soon to be key warriors of this revolution!

That being said, bring it on people!!

Welcome!

2006-02-01T12:41:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the bullshit blog! This blog is just for pure bullshitters!

Throughout the years, Angie and me have developed the art of bullshitting, but it wouldnt have been possible without the help of some experts. We hope that you experts will help us maintain this blog, and the bullshitting in the world. I mean we all need to brighten up the day for ourselves and for others by some bullshit.

We also hope to recruit some new bullshitters through this blog, but obviously amateurs wont be accepted, why you have to pass our bullshittometer before you can join the gang!

Enjoy the reading!
Hanna